New Girl
by ChoytOytOyt
Summary: Samus has two biological fathers, much to the confusion of her comrades.


"Who's that?" Asked a military guy. He pointed at a woman in a green uniform.

"I dunno. I heard she's 17 years old." Said another military guy. They turned their heads around a corner and stared at the lady.

"Whoa, bruh. Are you talking about Samus Ahrahn?" A mysterious black guy rounded a corner and peeked out from behind it with the two military guys. The woman in green - or maybe she was a girl still, since she was 17 - whipped around and pointed a callus-covered finger at the men.

"It's Samus Air-en," she cooed.

"Heh. What's with your accent?" One of the military guys asked. The other smirked and Anthony slowly backed away.

"I was raised by the Chozos." Samus proclaimed proudly. Well, it sounded more like, "Uh-hi wuss rayzed buoi zhe Ch-hozos," to be honest.

"Yuh needa work on that accent." Smirked the military dude.

"Don't I know you?" Samus inquired. Then it hit her. "You are Ike," she proclaimed. "Adam Malkovich's brother."

"It's IAN," corrected the military guy.

"Don't you have better things to than to do than ask a stranger about her accent? Samus demanded. "I'll have you know I went through three years of trying to work on my English, which is an unnecessarily complicated language, in my opinion."

"Uh... three years? Yuh jus' gah heuh." Ian frowned in confusion.

Samus frowned even deeper. "You have training to get to," she reminded the two military guys.

"Oh, right."

"We'd better go."

Samus stamped off to the gymnasium and ran 17 laps.

"13 more laps to go!" Jim Strekter yelled. "I didn't get a degree in Gym Instructorship so you could do an inadequate job freakin' running!"

Samus was a speedy little… uh, woman.

Adam met with Samus at lunch.

"Samus," he said. "Aren't you a bit too young to join the GF military?"

"Adam," Samus scoffed and ate some more seed cake. "You already recruited me. And there aren't any rules against it. You know different species age differently!"

Adam brought up a chart and shined his medals.

"Samus," he announced, brandishing the chart, "the ages for recruitment of each species are: 18 for Humans, 36 for those gorrilla things, 51 for Chozos, 12 for these stalk-eyed things-"

"Which stalk-eyed things? The green scaly ones or the purplish-brown smooth ones?"

"I dunno. Look, Ms. Aran, the point I'm trying to make was that I've might've made a mistake in recruiting you. You're too young…"

"Then it's your fault and you've got to own up to it! I am not leaving the GF Military by force! If anything, I'll leave it for better things voluntarily. I've spent 12 years of this godforsaken life tryin' to get into this institute, and I'm not going to get kicked out because an EARTH-MAN said I was too young!"

"Ms. Aran!" Said Adam and he stood up dramatically like in those movies, but in this case it didn't make much of an impact because Samus is like a foot taller than her CO.

"You are a human, and will be held by the same standards! Any objections, Lady?" He demanded.

Samus stared at him in the eye. She had to bend her head down a lot to do that. She was tempted to say no out of habit, but then said no to that option. Samus didn't want a dishonorable discharge, but she also had to tell Adam the truth. It's always mostly sometimes better to know the truth.

"I'm not 100% human, Adam. I have two biological fathers." Samus told him. Adam frowned, secretly enraged. Who was she to argue with her superior? This behavior was unacceptable.

"One of my fathers is Rodney Aran. He was a human. My other father is Grey Voice. He is a Chozo. So, I technically cannot be held at the same standards as with humans. Also, I'm, like, a super athlete, so, you can't discharge me."

Adam cocked an eyebrow. Sure, having a super athlete in your troops would be an advantage, but not if that same super athlete wasn't even qualified to be a trooper in the first place. "Why not?" He asked.

"Without me, you'll get the two round fleshy parts that form the lower rear area of you human trunks kicked senseless." Samus said matter-of-factly and folded her arms defiantly, her point made.

Adam frowned and said yes alright stay you're a super athlete stay please no please thanks.

"Don't worry, though, Adam. I'll leave on my own in nine years to become a bounty hunter once you sacrifice your brother to save hundreds of innocents."

"WHAT?!" Yelped Adam.

"Oh, look, a moose!" Samus somersaulted through the doorway.

Adam stared at the woman as she left. He had no idea what to make of her. No one did. She was just awesome and that's it. She was such a weirdo.


End file.
